Dangerous Distraction
by ncisaddiction10
Summary: Ziva is having a hard time after Somalia and turns to drinking. One night when she is thinking about who she hates, regrets...and loves, she takes it too far. What happens when Tony finds her the next morning passed out? Three-shot only! Tiva!
1. Ziva's Distraction

**Hey peeps! This is just going to be a two-shot, I'm already working on chapter two. Hope you guys who are actually reading this like it. It's just some Ziva hurt, then Tony comfort. Refers to drinking (like major drinking), just a little warning. I own nothing, sadly...(sighs). Enjoy!**

Dangerous Distraction

Chapter 1- Best Distraction She Ever Tasted, Convinces Her to Get Wasted

All was dark in the little apartment, seeming like no one was home. But inside was Ziva, sitting on a stool at her island. The overhead light was dimmed, only illuminating the bottles in front of her.

Outside, branches scratched violently against the windows and the wind howled. Ziva willed it to stop, for the hoarse, empty voice of the wind reminded her of the dreaded Somalia. There had only been a tiny window high up on the wall in her cell that let in the tiniest bit of light, and the tiniest bit of sound. Over that long summer, Ziva had only heard angry wind blowing through the African desert. The reason why she also liked to sit in darkness was because her eyes had adjusted to the dark dingy cell. She had not told anyone, but being outside in the light, bothered her greatly.

Now after a day at work of relentless questions and interrogations, she sat shaking in her kitchen. Her gaze fell on the first bottle, and raised her finger to the opening. The cool glass calmed her as her fingertips traced its long neck. This one was tall, unlike the other bottle. She uncorked it and knew she should grab a glass, but decided against it. Ziva tipped the bottle back and the red wine poured down her throat. As she shut her eyes tight, _his_ face appeared in her mind. She tipped the bottle back further, forcing the wine down in distress to make the image disappear. But Salim stayed in her mind, laughing at her.

Shivers went down her body and in an effort to stop seeing Salim, she tried to think of something else. She started making a chart in her mind. _Three columns. One for hate, one for regret, and one for desire,_ Ziva decided. She had been thinking about hate and love more and more these days, but it felt good to throw regret in there for all the horrible things she had done. It felt right. With the wine bottle still in her hand, Ziva started to fill the hate column.

_I hate…my father. He does not really love me, he only loves Agent David. He is the real reason I suffered. Of course he is, he has been my whole life! Always beating the crap out of me, never even comforted Tali, Ari, and I when Ima died. I do not even think he cared. She was only the bearer of his future successors. Too bad I am the only one left, she went through all that for nothing. So, I hate my father. Who else do I hate?_ Ziva asked herself. It was getting harder to think, half of the bottle was already gone.

_Of course, Salim! That bastard should have suffered more. If it was up to me, I would have done worse than what he did to me. If Gibbs knew what he did, he would have done much worse than just shoot him. _A tear trickled down her cheek onto the counter of the island. Her breathing became sharp and her hair fell off her shoulders as she tried to hold the rest of the tears back. The pain Salim had put her was something she was never going to forget. She only wished she could have at least shot him herself. It would have felt like closest thing to closure she could get, just by ending his life with her own hands.

_I would have cut of his ear, maybe stab him in the gut. But what I know I would have done was castrate him. He had no right doing what he did to me, and for that he should pay. I would then show him all the scars and cuts he gave me, and give him them back double. I hope he is burning in Hell._

Filled with anger and purpose, Ziva drank more of the dark liquid, making her hands turn clammy, and her head spin. The digital clock on the stove flashed 1:44 at her with its gleaming neon numbers, but Ziva knew the night was still young. She still had to fill two more columns. Overwhelmed, and feeling no control (something she hated, better add that to the hate column too) she forced her mind to not just shut down and sleep. If there was anything she could do, she could finish this list before passing out. Ziva flipped her black hair behind her, out of her way. She knew that her hair had lost its usual gleam, and her fair skin its golden Israeli touch due to the long months in Somalia. So what did it matter if she got wasted, if she looked and felt like crap anyway? The wine not satisfying her anymore, Ziva pushed it away, and took the shorter bottle of beer in her right hand.

_Regret? Yes, there are many things that I regret, much to long a list. I guess I regret killing Ari most though. Shit…why did I do that? To save Gibbs you idiot! Yes, but Ari had always been there for me, I could have steered him right. Gibbs was not even a friend to me at the time. Maybe, but look now, he is like your father._ Her mental debate continued and she finally decided she still regretted it even if it was to save Gibbs. _How I miss you Ari. You would have stopped father from sending me on that suicide mission. _Ziva sighed and glared at the beer. Her gaze got lost in the brown colored glass, placing her in a trance. Her ability to stay awake (and not fall over) was waning.

This made Ziva mad and she forced herself to stand. She needed control and she focused on walking over to the window. Ziva stumbled, grabbed the arm of the couch for support, but finally got to the other side of the room. It had started raining and her window was streaked with water. The beer bottle still in her hand, Ziva pressed her head and breasts against the window. She wore only a cami and some Soffe shorts, but she didn't care. The cool window felt incredible on her hot skin, so what did it matter if anybody saw her barely dressed?

_Michael…Uhhh. I regret falling for him. I do not just regret it though. Falling for him was a mistake. He himself was a mistake. Never really had a future, only a pawn in Father's game. He was never going to get a higher ranking or anything. Quite worthless. He was such a fake as well. I cannot believe he actually did not love me. It…felt so…real._ Filled with sorrow and guilt of her own mistake, Ziva turned around so that she could wash the feelings away. The beer poured down her throat like water and tears welled over Ziva's eyelids. She slid down the window, sitting on her butt.

Ziva now faced into her apartment living room. The couch looked extremely comfy, Ziva finally could finally not move. Only her arm could move slightly up and down to put the bottle to her lips. The chill from the window was leaving, her skin becoming warmer and warmer. It became so unbearable that Ziva forced her hands to move so that she could wriggle out of her shorts. She sat only in her cami and lace underwear, beer bottle in hand.

Her eyelids started to feel like they were carrying 10 pound weights and Ziva was beginning to drift off. _Stop that! You…you still need to think of desires. Come on…open your eyes,_ a voice inside shouted. Like she was always trained to do, Ziva obeyed and started to think about her desires. Only one thing came to mind.

_Tony. Mmmm…I desire Tony. I do not just desire him though…I need him. I need him to hold me, kiss me, touch me. God, I need him to murmur my name and I scream his while we make love. _Ziva began to moan softly thinking about Tony, and the beer bottle dropped from her hand. It was empty, but there was another barley opened bottle right next to her from last right. This one was whisky. She grabbed it and drank it down quickly. That one was soon empty as well, and Ziva's thoughts soon became deep, deep dreams. Little did Ziva realize that these sweet, sexy dreams were becoming very dangerous as she drifted farther and farther into them.

**How was it? You guys like? Tell me what you think! No flames though, those hurt me and make me sad...Well please review anyway!**


	2. Discovering Her Dirty Little Secret

**So so so sorry I took so long but I emailed this to my editor two weeks ago. I dont blame her though cause our trachers hate us and decided to swamp us with homework and essays. So sorry again about the delay, but oh well. Oh, and I lied. I've changed this to a 3 shot cause I got a good twist I had to put in, so i needed to put in another chapter for it. Hope you enjoy, I worked hard. :)**

Dangerous Distraction

Chapter 2-Discovering Her Dirty Little Secret

The sun shined brightly through Tony's steamy bathroom. He had just come back from his run and taken a shower when the phone began to ring. Tony threw a white towel around his slim waist and ran to the phone. He picked it up on the fifth ring and cringed as he read Gibbs on the caller id.

"Hey, Boss. Sorry I just got out of the shower and-"

"I don't care, DiNozzo. We got a body. Meet us at 21 Traders Drive in 20 minutes," Gibbs ordered.

"Come on, Gibbs! It's the weekend though and can't-"

"Tony! Stop complaining and hurry up. I know today is your day off, it's mine too, but just get your ass over here ASAP!" Gibbs yelled, cutting Tony off again.

Tony was about to say goodbye and hang up, but Gibbs stopped him, his voice trying to hide worry and concern. "Hey, Tony…you didn't hang out with Ziva last night or know if she was going anywhere did you?"

"No…"

"'Cause, uh, I can't get a hold of her, and I called three times. Would you swing by her place before you get here, maybe she's sick or suttin'. Just check, okay?"

"On it, Boss!"

They both hung up and Tony tossed his phone on his bed next to his pants. Trying to think of why Ziva didn't answer started to worry him and made him move faster. Within 2 minutes Tony was all dressed and tossing his cell phone in his pocket. He ran down the cement stairs of his apartment out to his car. His green mustang awaited him and carried him down the street to Ziva's house. The new apartment she had gotten was only a block down the road from Tony's and Tony couldn't help but smile at this. She had had choices of places, but she had chosen the apartment closest to his. Others could say it was the great modern kitchen, or the unique set-up, or even the large bedroom, but Tony knew better. After these last four months, she needed a friend close by, someone to call and could be over in less than a minute. Well, that hadn't happened yet, but Tony hoped it would. Ziva hadn't been…well Ziva ever since they left her in Israel and he wanted her to be able to talk to him if she needed it.

He pulled in front of the building and hopped out. Tony climbed the stairs quickly, two at a time, but didn't know why. How could he know if Ziva wasn't in trouble? She probably just woke up sick and was too tired to answer. Yet, _something_ made Tony run to her door instead of waltz over, still sleepy from being pulled from his house early in the morning. He had missed his morning coffee, didn't get to have breakfast while watching the morning cartoons, but all that didn't matter anymore. Tony just had to get to Ziva and see if she was alright.

Tony's knock on the door echoed through the apartment. He could see no lights on from under the door and that _something_ came back to push him again. _Something_ was wrong here and Tony didn't like it. Hands fishing through his pockets he finally found her extra key and pulled it out. The knob clicked open as Tony unlocked it with the key. He pushed the heavy door open revealing…nothing. Everything was the same as he had seen it when he came over for a drink the other night. There was no sign of a struggle, so the worry of Ziva being kidnapped or something left his mind, but only to be replaced by new ones. Had she gone out to a bar and never come back? Was she drunk somewhere? Was Ziva, _his Ziva_, with some random guy from last night?

Tony walked a little further into the cozy apartment and stopped at her bedroom door. What if she was asleep? Did she possibly have company last night, and that company was still there? Or worse…did some bad company leave her and he would walk in on her sprawled out on the floor? Tony bit his lip as his hand hovered over the knob. Finally, he made himself open the door. But, the bed was untouched and the door to her bathroom was wide open showing that she was not in there as well. He turned around and walked right over to the kitchen. What he saw in here worried him. On the island was an empty, knocked over bottle of wine. In front of it was water…no, it wasn't water, but tears.

_What the Hell? Where's Ziva!?_ On the counter were her keys and pocket book. _She couldn't have gone far if her purse is still here, _Tony thought. Also next to her pocket book was a small pile of receipts. Curiosity grinding away at him, Tony picked up the pile. To his horror they were all from package stores. The first dated back to a week after Ziva came back and the most recent was from yesterday night…timed right after they got off work. They all had a bottle of wine, then either a six-pack or bottle of rum or whiskey. The one from last night though had wine, beer, _and_ some rum. Tony could not believe what he was seeing. Could Ziva really be drinking? The thought frightened him. His father had been a drinker and had turned bitter and depressed. It ruined Tony's childhood and Tony could not bear the thought that his best friend had turned to drinking rather than talk to him or ask for help.

Tony sighed in a horrible feeling of helplessness and gazed out the window. Then, something caught his eye. There was something under the window but he could not see it since the couch blocked it. Tony walked around questioning. Suddenly his breath hitched as he saw that what he was seeing was the top of Ziva's head, who was sitting slumped over on the floor. Tony rushed over to Ziva's limp form. He yelled her name but she did not respond.

"Ziva! Zi! Come on, Sweet Cheeks! Answer me! What did you do to yourself, Ziva!?" Tony begged. He gripped her small shoulders and shook her softly. Her head moved slightly back and forth, then fell back. Her dark hair cascaded down her back like a gorgeous, but deathly waterfall. When Tony moved her, her arms dropped from her lap and hit something. Tony glanced down at the sound and tears came to his eyes. Right next to his knees were more empty bottles. Fear overtaking him, Tony's fingers flew to Ziva's neck searching for a pulse. He tried to control his shaking hands as he felt the pulse of his lovely Ziva start to slow beneath his fingertips.

Tony got control of himself as he put his arms behind her back and under her legs. He was surprised how light she was. Tony suspected that she had lost weight while being kept prisoner in Somalia, but did not expect her to be this light. Another scary thought came to his mind at the thought of her light weight. _Could she not be eating either? What else has she done to herself?_ Tony held her tighter as he came out into the bright day and ran to his car. He put Ziva in the passenger seat and strapped her in. It was going to be a very wild ride to the hospital.

About halfway to the hospital, Tony grabbed his phone from the cup holder to call Gibbs.

_Ring…Ring…Ring…Ri-_

"Gibbs!"

"Boss! I've got Ziva and I'm taking her to the hospital. She's been drinking and I think she has alcohol poisoning!"

"Okay, Tony, okay. I'm gonna get another team to take over this. McGee and I will meet you at Bethesda in 10 minutes!"

The mustang screeched to a stop in front of the emergency entrance and many looked over in surprise. Tony jumped out and picked up Ziva. Her skin was growing cold and Tony screamed out for help. A couple doctors raced over in response and took Ziva away on a gurney. They were yelling orders to each other to book O.R.'s and to page special doctors. The second Tony heard O.R., Tony's worried mind took over. He immediately tried to push through to follow, but a doctor held him back.

"Please!" Tony begged, "Let me go in! She's my partner…my best friend!"

"Sir, sir, please, calm down. We are going to do everything that we can do to help her. But, we need you to calm down and fill out some paper work. Just some simple things like your name, her name, and why you brought her in. Okay?" asked the doctor. He was tall and dressed in dark blue scrubs and a white coat unlike the other doctors just in light blue. His dark hair was dusted with salt and pepper showing his experience, and growing age.

Tony still seemed anxious, so the doctor put a strong, steady hand on his shoulder and led Tony into the hospital. He had Tony sit down in one of the brown chairs and take the clipboard with the forms.

"It's going to be alright, sir. We have to pump her stomach, but the minute she's out of surgery, I'll come out to tell you. You can be the first one to see her…?"

"Agent DiNozzo, Anthony DiNozzo," Tony finished softly. The doctor nodded and went off to surgery, leaving Tony with a sick feeling of guilt and fear in the pit of his stomach.  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was only 8 minutes later that Gibbs and McGee arrived. _Gibbs must have driven,_ Tony thought. With them was Abby, whose long, black pig-tails were whipping around as she spun in circles in search of Tony. Her gaze finally fell on Tony, who was now standing to get their attention, and she ran over to him. Gibbs and McGee followed close behind as Abby captured her friend in a tight hug.

"Oh my God, Tony! I can't believe this! How could we not know!? Is she going to be alright?!" Abby shouted loudly. Patients and nurses looked over and Tony hushed her. He patted her on the back as she let out a big sigh.

"Ditto, Abs, ditto on that…"

McGee finally got her to sit down and Tony went over to talk to Gibbs, who was leaning against the wall. "Gibbs, I-", Tony started, but Gibbs cut him off.

"None of us could have known, DiNozzo. Even after this summer, Ziva's still strong and didn't show any signs. She'll be fine, Tony. Like I said, Ziver's strong." His face was stern, yet caring. He seemed to sense how nervous his senior agent was and tried to assure him it would be alright. Tony nodded in agreement and went back over to Abby and McGee. He slouched down in the chair, sensing the harsh, bitter feeling of defeat creep upon him. There really wasn't anything he could do right now. All he could do was wait.  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

After 40 agonizing minutes, the doctor, Doctor Ying, came out to the team. He wore a false smile, seeming to try and calm them, but instead it made Tony's heart skip. What could have gone wrong? Was he too late when he arrived at her apartment? No…she couldn't be dead…could she? Finally Gibbs stood up and met Doctor Ying. Abby clutched Tim's hand as they spoke, and tried to lip read their conversation. Suddenly, Abby gasped as she read the Doctor's lips and Gibbs' face fell. _Oh, God, something's wrong,_ Tony thought with dread.

"What's wrong, Abby? Is Ziva…dead?" McGee asked quietly. Tony felt bad for his good friend. His face was so pale, so young and frightened. He could only imagine what _his_ face looked like if McGee's looked like that.

Tears welled up at Abby's eyes and her hands cupped in shock around her mouth. She stayed silent, making Tony and Tim turn to Gibbs who was walking over with Doctor Ying. Tony stood and McGee held Abby's forearms to help her stay steady. They all turned to their trusted leader, who just looked at Doctor Ying. He finally faced them and told them news that they did not expect at all…

**U guys like? Hope you do. Please review! i want to see what you think is going to happen next. You now, a little guessing game! lol  
PS- What happened to our beloved little green review box! I'm so sad! It's gone...huh...review anyway please! :)**


	3. A New Distraction

Finally! I finished! Yay! Okay well just gonna say only one person guessed right, sorry everybody else... And please don't yell at me for any medical mistakes or crap like that cause I worked really hard and did a TON of research. Im serious. So if something a bit incorrect, please just leave it. Thank you and I hope you enjoy the last chapter of Dangerous Distraction.

Dangerous Distraction

Chapter 3- A New Distraction

_They all turned to their trusted leader, who just looked at Doctor Ying. He finally faced them and told them news that they did not expect at all…_

Gibbs could not bear to tell his team the news. It shocked him and made him flooded with anger that he could have let this happen. He had left her. He left her back in Israel and if he had never done that, she would have never been sent to Somalia. If she hadn't been sent to Somalia, Ziva would have never been tortured and put through Hell. Gibbs could not bear to tell his team what Dr. Ying just told him.

He gripped his coffee cup tighter in his hand as Dr. Ying started to explain and his team's faces turned white as the hospital sheets Ziva was laying on. Abby was paler than usual (which was almost impossible) and looked like she was going to burst into tears. McGee's lower lip quivered before he pressed his thin lips together in an effort to stay strong. Gibbs finally looked over at Tony who reminded him of himself. His emerald eyes turned dull with anger and distress of not being in the right place at the right time. He too was not going to break down. He instead looked as if he was going to lash out at the Doctor for letting this happen. As if it was Doctor Ying's fault Ziva had been tortured, raped, and broken.

Pain stricken to see his team this way, Gibbs turned to look out the window as the Doctor told them what they eventually found. "After our nurse noticed those strange bruises and lacerations, we found all those breaks and fractures. Worried there could be more, we prepped her for scans. What our nurse found was frightening. There were dozens of scars hidden on the inside of her thighs, and in her pelvic area," Doctor Ying said slowly, pausing for a moment. McGee's breath became heavier as he fought back the painful tears and streams were already falling from Abby's deep pools of green.

Dr. Ying didn't hesitate after the moment passed, letting all the dreaded news come out at once. "It was easy to see she was raped…repeatedly. I called our gynecologist to do a thorough examination, and found something. According to her hormone levels and the lining of her uterus, Ms. David, had a miscarriage only about a month ago."

Chills rushed down Tony's spine as he heard the news. Images of Ziva suffering and losing her baby alone flashed in front of his eyes making him feel helpless and horrible. Then it hit him. That is why Ziva wanted to die. That is why she was ready to sacrifice herself. She had to have just lost the baby before they arrived. They had saved her, but they were still too late. Late by one day. Possibly only hours.

Gasping breaths of realization flowed from the Italian as he tried to tell the others. "Gibbs…we were too late. Gibbs, one month ago Ziva was in Somalia losing her baby in some room while Probie and I sat in another room oblivious!" McGee took it all in and slowly turned to Tony. The young man had been drained of all his color and repeated the words.

"We were…too late. We thought we made it…but we really didn't. Even if it was from one of those bastards, Ziva would still have her baby if we were quicker…" Abby put her arms out to Tim, obviously needing some comfort. McGee hugged her as everyone felt guilt fill them.

Gibbs finally broke the hated silence of grief asking, "Can we see her soon?"

The tall Doctor's eyes flickered across their faces, as if not sure what to do. Gibbs was growing angry and asked louder this time, "Can we see her soon!"

Startled by Gibbs' sudden outburst, Ying swallowed slowly then answered, "Yes, but we expect she won't be awake for about another hour. Ms. David got intoxicated to the point of poisoning herself, as you know, but before she started drinking last night…she took several Tranylcypromine that was prescribed for possible PTSD, and at least 4 naproxen…it's a pain reliever. She almost killed herself. And the worst thing is, while in Somalia…," he took a moment to look over her charts, "she lost 20 pounds. The weight she was at combined with the alcohol and drugs…should have killed her. I would have to say it's a miracle she's alive."

Tony looked away with a shuddering sigh and Gibbs put a hand on his senior agent's shoulder. He looked up and smiled at Gibbs. Gibbs simply nodded back, like a father approving his son. Tony had arrived at the right time, probably with only minutes to spare, saving Ziva. Dr. Ying understood the exchange and felt the need to tell them she was still not out of the woods.

"But, we need to keep her under 24 hour supervision and only one of you can go in at a time. After she recovers, she will definitely require counseling and all of your support. Ms. David grew so depressed that she felt she could not go on anymore. As Mossad, from what Agent Gibbs told me, she is trained to never show her feelings. Plus, with her personality and need for control, only a true professional might have noticed something was wrong."

Everyone gave sullen nods of understanding as the Doctor told them to tell the nurse when they were ready to go in. He left them, going on his rounds to other wings of the hospital without skipping a beat.

Glances were thrown up at each other, then cast back down in doubt. They were not sure who should go first, and weren't even sure if they were ready to see their dear friend in her lowly state. The shock was still holding them in its grasp; only Gibbs had regained his strong persona again. He stared at the doors, waiting. Like always, his timing was perfect and Ducky and Palmer walked through the doors soaking wet only seconds after.

Ducky took off his hat, and tried to dry it with his sleeve as he walked over to the team. Jimmy followed him closely, shaking his thick brown curls of the thunderstorm's violent tears. Ducky was about to tell them how they had to get the body back to autopsy first, get a replacement, and then just a mile from the hospital there was a downpour and they were reduced to traveling 10mph, but Gibbs put a hand up to stop him.

Abby had wiped her stray tears with a black handkerchief and gotten herself under control by now, so McGee and Tony let her go first. The nurse told her she had 10 minutes, then they had to give Ziva a break. After another 5 minutes they could send someone else in. The boys sat down together, watching and listening as Gibbs quietly explained all they had heard. Tony felt an awful frown tug his lips down as he watched Palmer adjust his round glasses to wipe a tear. _It just isn't fair_, Tony thought. _Why does all this shit happen to us? First Kate, then Gibbs "retiring", then Somalia, and now this?_ His thought wandered to the past years, at NCIS, at college, even back to his childhood.

When he finally looked over to his left, Tim wasn't there, Abby was. He had zoned out for so long that Abby had already switched with Tim. The Italian shook his head clear of thoughts and glanced at his watch. Abby went in at 10:05, came out at 10:15. Then McGee had to have gone in at 10:20, so he would be coming out at 10:30. Tony could go in at 10:35 and it was already 10:29. Anxiety prodded him, as well as fearful questions. What would she look like now? After laying in a bed unconscious for hours, would she look the same, seem weaker (Ziva, weaker? Seemed impossible to Tony) or just sad. What if she woke up while he was in there? Would he be the first thing she saw? He secretly wished so.

Just as the nurse was going over to get McGee, he stuck his head out shouting excited, "Nurse! She's awake!"

The small woman moved quickly into the room going to Ziva's side. Tony and Abby stood and walked over to the doorway of her room. Gibbs, Ducky, and Palmer were soon right behind then, trying to see inside. Tony stood next to McGee with a sad grin on his face. He was glad she had woken up, but heartbroken of how she looked. Ziva looked so pale and thin under the thin sheets. All of her color and strength had been drained, leaving her frail and almost miserable. Tony frowned as he was able to move further into the room and got a better look.

Her dark eyes were adjusting to the bright florescent lights and she tried to move her arms. Tony watched her as only her fingers were able to move, making Ziva distraught and angry. His always strong and gorgeous ninja had lost control and had been broken. Now she was in such a lowly state that she could hardly move.

_What the hell am I doing here! Do they know…?_ Ziva worried as she finally pushed herself up to a sitting position. It hurt to even sit up and she couldn't tell why. Her scars had already almost disappeared and stopped hurting a week ago. So why did her stomach hurt now?

The nurse saw Ziva trying to sit up and rushed over to her side. She had brown curly hair, and light skin. The young woman put a hand around Ziva's back to help with a smile. "How are you feeling, Ms. David?" Ziva glared at the girl. Her voice was brushed with a smooth French accent…reminding Ziva of a girl who had ruined her love life almost 2 years ago. She couldn't help but to glance at Tony, seeing if he caught it too. The girl was a dead-ringer for Jeanne, and it was clear to see by Tony's raised, curious eye brows, that he thought so too.

Ziva tried to brush it off and nodded to the girl. With a point at the small plastic cup the nurse brought her water. She drank it thankfully, and cleared her throat. Her team crowded into her room around her bed anxious at what she had to say.

"Why…am I…here? Wha-what happened…? Gibbs…?" she asked desperately. She hated the way she sounded, but wanted to know so badly. The Israeli gazed at her only father figure, but he looked off in another direction…towards Tony. "Tony, what happened?" Ziva demanded. She was tired of everyone looking at her like she was a freak. She wanted answers, and she wanted them now.

He stepped forward. There were circles under his eyes showing his growing fatigue and worry. "Ziva…calm down. We can talk about this later, just rest-"

"No! I do not want to rest! Tell me what happened!"

"Zi…"

"Please! Abby, Tim, Ducky! Someone tell me what happened!" she pleaded, looking to each one. They all in turn just looked at Tony. Tears pierced her eyes and she asked him one more time: "What happened to me?"

Her begging pushed Tony over the edge and soft tears appeared at the corners of his eyes. "How can you not remember? You tried to _kill_ yourself Ziva! You almost drank yourself to death last night! We want to help Zi…and you offing yourself with drugs and booze is not the answer. We know Ziva, we know. It must have hurt so much, but you still have us…Isn't that enough? Aren't I enough?" Tony whispered as he sat down next to her. During his rant the team had slowly exited the room, giving them some privacy.

"…I…Tony…how did you know?" Her hand moved to her stomach and as she touched it, she expected pain like she had felt before. But it had been all in her head. She had been fixating on her lost child for so long now she actually felt sharp pains in her stomach sometimes. Then at the fear of the team's discovery, the once fading pains came back full force. And now her nightmare had come true. The whole team knew her secret.

"The doctor told us Zi. There were still signs from it. I'm…I'm sorry Ziva. We thought we made it, but we didn't, did we?" His soft green eyes were so caring and loving. She saw the truth in them. Tony really loved her and felt terrible pains for her loss.

"No…I guess not, Tony." Ziva gazed down at her hands folded in her lap. Tony looked down with her and bit his lip. On her fingers were small scars. Regularly, they would have been hidden to the naked eye, but the stress had made them pop up from the creases of her fingers. She tried to put her hand into a fist, but Tony took a gentle hand and opened up her fingers. Spelled inside them were _Tali _on the left hand, and _Meir_ on the right in neat little scars.

Their eyes locked and Tony was confused. Ziva smiled and stared into his eyes as she spoke, "When I was out there, Tony, I was convinced I was going to die. When I learned I was pregnant, I knew I had to live at least until help came, or if I was kept prisoner until the baby came. I thought of names for the baby, and scratched them into my fingers. It had to be hidden or else they would become suspicious and without a doubt kill the baby, but if it lived I wanted it to have an Israeli name. I always loved the name Meir, and always wanted my child named after my sister Tali. I was so convinced it was going to be the other way around…that somehow the baby would live, and I would just die, but that's not how it worked out, is it?"

She was still smiling with tears running down her cheeks. Tony raised his hand and brushed the tears away with his fingertips. As he did this she tried to stop the flow, but Tony just shook his head and shushed her. Even so, she tried to explain herself. "I am…very embarrassed…Tony. I do not…know w-why…I am crying…so much."

Tony was shocked. She was attempting to apologize for crying. "They killed it, Ziva. They…killed…it. There was life inside you; you had created life, and they destroyed that. You have every right to be upset. What they did to you was wrong and torturous. Ziva, Ziva look at me," Tony insisted as she looked away. She finally turned back to meet him, and he continued as he moved her hair gently from her face. "That harsh, ruthless killer without emotion…she died out there in Somalia. Your father raised you that way, Zi, there was nothing you could do. But now, now things are gonna be different."

Her hands had clasped his as he spoke, and now Tony moved up her arms to pull her closer. Ziva moved in with him, her face now an inch from his face. She could smell the cinnamon gum he was chewing before, his breath now warm and spicy on her lips. Tony grinned his 1000 watt smile at her, and it seemed to radiate joy at her. Then, he whispered softly to her, "I love you, Zi. Please, please, don't hurt yourself anymore. We all want to help."

Her dark brown orbs gazed into his, lovingly, yet still unsure. "I…I love you too, Tony. I do…but it's all I can think about…him…and the baby. I cannot keep going like this. I need…I need a distraction…" she tried to explain. It hurt so much to admit this to Tony. She tried to keep her gaze locked, but had to look away.

She expected him to turn away, or be shocked at the statement, but instead Tony just said softly, "I know. I know, Zi. Let me be you distraction now. You don't need booze or drugs, just have me. Please, let me be you distraction…please."

His hand caressed her cheek tenderly, waiting for a response. "Okay, Tony," she said quietly. A smile tugged at her lips as she moved in and mumbled, "No more pills, Tony. No more booze. Just…you." She then pressed her lips gently to his. He reacted and pulled her onto his lap. Ziva's long, dark hair fell back as she craned her neck to give Tony more access. He kissed her again and again, giving and taking. Ziva wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face into his chest. Feeling relieved the hardest part was over, Tony kissed the top of her head and held her closely.

"That's right, Zi. No more of all this crap. Let's forget Somalia, forget Salem. Let's get rid of that booze. We don't need it. We don't need anything…just us."

Fin

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Thank you for reading.

See you all later!

Bye.

-Julia


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